Thursday, June 28, 2012

Things Not To Say To A Single Or Solo Parent

Being a single parent is something that I can get used to. However, there are times when people rub the situation on me. I don’t think they are inconsiderate. I just think they don’t know how hard it is to become a single mom. Unfortunately, there are still lots of people who do not understand the concept of single parenting. So if you know someone who is a single parent, then here are some of the things that you shouldn’t say to us unless you intentionally want to be rude.

Children need fathers to have male role models

I agree that children need male role models but I believe any male can fill in that role as long as they show positive attitude to children. With the absentee father, the male role model  can be an older cousin, an uncle or the grandfather. Although children need fathers, I don’t think every father is suitable to become a role model. Personally, I prefer to have positive male role models outside the house for my daughter than for her to look up to a father who is irresponsible.

You cannot do it alone… find a man!

To add more insult to the situation, I have one of our kin telling me that I need to find a man because I cannot do it [raise my daughter] alone. Why do people think that I cannot do it alone? I know that solo parenting is twice as hard because I cannot share my burdens because I don’t have a partner but giving up never crossed my mind. Really!

You could have waited to get a child after you get married

I know I made a mistake so don’t rub it in but I never considered standing up for the pregnancy a mistake. There are lots of women out there who opted for abortion but I didn’t. And yes, I could have waited for marriage before I get a child but I think the whole situation was a saving grace. How would I know that my daughter’s father is not right for me if not for the whole thing?

Why not send your daughter to her father’s place so you can free some of your time?

Sometimes, this statement is relayed to me as a half-meant joke. To make matters worse, some of the family members tell me this comment especially when my daughter misbehaves. I have my daughter since she was born five years ago and I am the only parent that she knows. How can someone tell me to give her up to someone she didn’t share anything with except her genes just so I can have a free time? I know it is a joke but sometimes it irks me when people tell this to me.

A lot of us single parents have sacrificed  things for our children. Whether it is our choice or not why we  are in this situation, we just need people to understand us. And yes, we need sympathy but not false sympathies by telling us the ones listed above.

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